The Gratitude List | Dawne Long
Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out you hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.
Job 1: 6-12 ESV
My husband was ill. For nine months his symptoms worsened despite various doctors’ opinions and medication trials. The diagnosis remained unknown and treatments continued to fail despite the medical assurances of a discovery to come and thus a treatment to cure.
A consult at the University of Michigan finally concluded the illness was fatal and a treatment unknown. Initially, stunned unbelief gripped our family only to be replaced by hope and faith that our God was not only capable of healing but not willing to separate us. Special organic nutritional food combinations were prepared. Up and coming ultrasound treatment research in Japan filled us with hope. Trial medications that would give us time for a cure to be discovered were attempted. Ultimately, we prayed and believed that a miracle was even yet on the way. My theme for that family Christmas was Believe. I made a banner, hung Believe ornaments on the tree, confident that the seasonal reminders of the celebration of the ultimate miracle made our coming miracle possible. “Is this all for me,” my husband asked? “No, it is for us” I reminded him. Though the disease was ailing his body it was occurring to us both. We shared our lives, our children, our plans, and our disease.
As months passed his health only declined. The triumphant miracle we expected was not appearing. I remember the afternoon when I heard the whisper of God that healing on this earth would not be coming. And I knew it was so as the wall of hope and belief crumbled. But the whisper continued with God lovingly asking me to be grateful. Grateful for a disease that frightened my heart into blackness?
But God the ever-good Father prepared me for this moment. That summer I read Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts and dutifully kept my own gratitude list. Pink sunrises, our granddaughter’s giggle, a wink across the room, and a strong hand to hold were just the beginning. But just as Satan taunted God with the faithfulness of Job, the same could be charged to me. God’s kindness overflowed my life from the first breath. He gave me parents who not only showered me with their love but introduced me to the God of love who walked with me every day. A boy I picked out across a crowded church sanctuary loved and cherished me. He worked his best every day to provide for me and then the three healthy children with whom we were blessed. I lived in a home, shared life with our friends, and planned a future filled with more blessings. Who could not have a massive gratitude list with such examples of God’s favor? Would I now accept gifts from God with gratitude when the gifts brought pain? Would I still trust a God who allowed gifts I no longer understood?
I could not. I could not thank Him for a disease, but I could be grateful for the aftereffects. Once started the list only grew exponentially. We were thankful our children were grown and would keep their memories of an active father from their childhood. Despite the symptoms, he was spared physical pain and that was a blessing. God prepared a job for me staffed by understanding friends allowing me to work from home yet care for him every single day. The medical practitioners gave him their best efforts even placing protocols aside for our ease. The anguishing circumstances only provided opportunities for our friends and family to pour love into our broken hearts. His friend of decades became his faithful brother, still continuing activities with him but always adjusting as limitations kept increasing. Our brothers and sisters filled in gaps with love and kindness. My mother prayed for us. Our church family noticed him and paid special attention and made church his happy place. When I sank to the cold hospital floor in brokenness my friend sat on that floor with me. His last full day in the hospital the hallway was filled with people who loved us and just wanted to be nearby. And on that final morning, before the sun rose and while I held his hand, he stopped breathing and left for Heaven. I was so grateful his soul was prepared to meet Jesus and I knew I would meet him again.
Topping my gratitude list today, I am profoundly grateful that the pain of separation and life’s sufferings are temporary and not permanent. Our days on this earth, whether joyous or anguished, are few and numbered. Everlasting life awaits those whose sins are forgiven by God through the sacrifice of His Son on the cross. John 3:16 promises For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Just as Job was unaware of the dramatic scene in Heaven, the catalyst for his calamities, I do not comprehend the reason for the end of our story. And I humbly do not compare myself to Job nor acknowledge that our difficulties are remotely equal, but I do earnestly want to be counted with him and the faithful who stand and claim God is always good. Job was able to say, Surely, I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. Job 42:3b NIV. Likewise, I do not understand the reasoning of God, but I do trust Him. I rejoice in His good blessings and gratefully acknowledge the painful days are still under His loving care. He promised even such things will work out for my good. If Satan should ever bring my name before God, I want the record to show regardless of circumstances I am found faithful.